Thursday, December 15, 2005

friendship and romance

The comic book stuff will be coming soon.

I promise.

I think.


I've been thinking lately about the differences
between friendship and romance. I place a
high value on each, but friendship is something
I've come back to time and time again, and relied
on when other sources of support have tapered.

Friendship is something that doesn't disintegrate,
if built upon a strong enough foundation. It can
survive arguments, disagreements, dishonesty,
apathy, anger, depression, chaos, scheduling,
and growth. Regardless of how we may change as
individuals, the value of friendship is that the
heartfelt connection is honored and
maintained - even when certain facets
of commonality may dissipate.

With romance, having a lot in common
makes a connection easier. It allows things
to grow organically (much as I may dislike
that particular phrasing), assisting two
lovebirds in an absorbtion of each other's
best qualities.

With friendships, the opposite can often
be true. We can be drawn to the
weaknesses and flaws in our friends.

This can obviously be true in romance
as well. However, when it comes to romantic
love, the attributes that initially attract us to
one another have the potential to wring
themselves inside-out, like reversible
windbreakers, using our very tastes
against us.

With friends, you can always take a
hiatus from hanging out - and
return to it when the bad taste in
your mouth has receded. You can
be annoyed, or vehemently
disagree with, a good friend
- without the friendship being
any worse for the wear.

You can agree to disagree.

This, of course, is the path that must be
taken in a mature relationship.

However, when it comes to love, this
option often proves quite difficult.
Swallowing one's pride is easy when it
comes to a friend whom you see or hang
out with once a month. After all, if they're
wrong and you can't convince them - you
don't wake up next to them in bed.

Odds are, you won't see them naked after dinner.

Depending on the friendship, its highly unlikely
that kinky sexual acts will take place upon
retreating to your respective places of residence.

There is a deep emotional investment
with friendship, but the intimacy isn't
the same. Even with our deepest friends,
we are not as concerned with their honest
opinions as we are with their brotherhood
and, frankly, the company.

Perhaps this is simply my way of approaching
things. Fair point, ye internet jockeys!
And I should scold myself for intimating that
I don't care about the honest opinions of
my dearest friends. I care a great deal.
But the bottom line is, I don't beat myself up
about it (normally) when my friends and I happen
to disagree. The main thing is that I care about
them, and they tend to support me regardless of
if they agree with my decisions. I back them up
when they need it, and expect the same in return.
Our friendships are not mainly based on common
interests or personalities, but on loyalty and respect.

When it comes to romance, I suppose I simply want more.
I want everything I have with my closest friends, and more.
And not just mind-blowing sex. Though that and fries is a start.

A great love would have to be forgiving. Friends don't need to
be forgiving - we're loyal. Loyalty covers it. You can be pissed
off, and even hold grudges for a while - but your loyalty
ultimately overcomes any bitterness or resentment. With love,
you have to work shit out. Discussing sports or movies until the
anger/disappointment wears off doesn't quite cut it.

With maturity comes the understanding that all shit cannot be
simply worked out. In some cases, we have to simply let shit be.
Let yourself disagree with the person whom you passionately and
with a burning desire wish to have see it your way.

You have to give up some of that love of your own ego, and forge
ahead. Fight on, though you feel that if you just made this
one-last-point, they would surely see the light!

And so, I suppose - friendship and love aren't all that different.

Both are exciting because we are pursuing something valuable
with someone who sees the world differently than us. We are
allowing ourselves to engage with a person who might have
radically different views from our own on some topics.
Engaging their perspectives. Even participating in a little
healthy rivalry, when appropriate. Always kicking in when
the chips are down. Reading one another's blogs, no matter
how littered with clichés they become.

Despite my feelings over the years to the
contrary, I guess Friendship is Love.

And true, deep, impassioned
Love - is a friendship that can
set the world on fire.

---

Back to the usual
fatuous posts next
week.

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